“In this exquisite story of family, food, grief, and endurance, Michelle Zauner proves herself far more than a dazzling singer, songwriter, and guitarist. With humor and heart, she tells of growing up one of the few Asian-American kids at her school in Eugene, Oregon; of struggling with her mother’s particular high expectations of her; of a painful adolescence; of treasured months spent in her grandmother’s tiny apartment in Seoul, where she and her mother would bond, late at night, over heaping plates of food. As she grew up, moving to the East Coast for college, finding work in the restaurant industry, and performing gigs with her fledgling band – and meeting the man who would become her husband – her Korean-ness began to feel ever more distant, even as she found the life she wanted to live. It was her mother’s diagnosis of terminal cancer, when Michelle was 25, that forced a reckoning with her identity and brought her to reclaim the gifts of taste, language, and history her mother had given her.”

Series Info/Source: This is a stand alone book. I borrowed this on ebook from the library.

Thoughts: I didn’t like this. I am finding that I am not a huge fan of contemporary memoires. I read another memoire last year “How Far the Light Reaches by Sabrina Imbler and wasn’t a big fan of that either. This memoire mainly follows Michelle as she deals with her mother’s cancer diagnosis and the process of supporting her mother through that. We get glimpses in to her past as well. I feel like this was written for the author’s own processing of her past, not for an audience…it just wasn’t that interesting. I know nothing about Zauner’s music or her status as a music icon.

There is a lot about Asian food in this novel, aside from the grief around her mother’s cancer that is a huge focus. There family was very into food, and Michelle uses that as a way to connect to her mother and her heritage.

There was a lot about this memoir that bothered me. Even when her mother is dying, Michelle seems very focused on herself. She is concerned about her mother eating what she cooks because Michelle wants to feel good about it cooking it. She is concerned about how her mother will perceive her. To me, that came across as very selfish. She should have been there to support her mother, not to get a feeling of validation from her mother.

I also struggle to follow the life decisions she made. There was so much drama involved, especially when she was a teen. When Michelle describes her drug use and tantrums as a teen, I see it as being irresponsible and creating drama and tension where there doesn’t need to be drama and tension. Michelle blames this on her mixed heritage and mother’s high expectations of her. I saw it as Michelle making herself a victim of these things rather than trying to break from those issues and tread her own path. The relationship she has with her mother is abusive, and trying to write that off because they “love each other” is enabling abusive behavior on both sides.

I understand this is a memoir of a real person, and everyone lives their lives differently. I just had a lot of trouble relating to her constant seeking of validation from her mother and her constant string of poor life decisions. I think the one redeeming quality of this book was Michelle’s fiance Peter. He obviously put up with a lot through this and remained supportive and steadfast. I wondered where he was for vast portions, though; he is used for a wedding and then disappears until much later. He almost seemed like a side note in Michelle’s life, and given how supportive he was, you would have thought she would have more consideration for him. It just didn’t seem like a very equal partnership to me; Michelle needed to take a lot but didn’t seem to reciprocate much.

So in the end, I didn’t really enjoy this or even find it that interesting. Everyone here in the US is an immigrant, and all of our families are blends of many cultures. A lot of traditions focus around food and family. I just didn’t find anything that insightful in this book.

My Summary (2/5): Overall I didn’t enjoy this, it was short so I finished it. I didn’t relate to the author well and didn’t find her revelations to be very…well insightful. This is just boring. I found her life decisions and constant need for validation exhausting and hard to understand. This focused more on a woman searching for validation from her abusive relationship with her dying mother rather than any contemplation on blending two cultures together.

Review – Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner (2/5 stars)

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